


Internal War

by CrazyDaiyaMondos (orphan_account)



Category: Naruto
Genre: Child Abuse, F/F, F/M, Healing over Time, Highschool AU, Insomnia, M/M, MAJOR CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-11-02
Updated: 2015-11-06
Packaged: 2018-04-29 12:23:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,955
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5127494
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/CrazyDaiyaMondos
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>To Gaara,  life is meaningless.  But all he really needed was an angel in green to lead the way to a better life.</p><p>** Suicide Trigger Warning **</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [In Disguise](https://archiveofourown.org/works/4504368) by [The_Utterly_Clumsy_Ninja](https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Utterly_Clumsy_Ninja/pseuds/The_Utterly_Clumsy_Ninja). 

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Be my friend? Are you foolish?” he ended up saying aloud, almost regretting his words the second they fled from his mouth. With his luck, this would end up being some sort of prank that was being pulled on him once more. The one time he had found a friend inside this school, they had humiliated him in front of everyone and started the rumors and all of the other hurtful events going on at the school

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gaara's playlist for this chapter:  
> The Script feat. will.i.am - Hall Of Fame  
> Cold Play - Viva La Vida  
> Cold Play - Clocks  
> Green Day - Boulevard of Broken Dreams  
> The Fray - How to Save a Life

The red haired teen sighed, closing his thick English textbook and placing it strategically  
onto the floor next to him, as not to tip the drink lying next to his red bean-bag chair. The bean-bag made a noise of protest and he moved his body, turning it to the side as far as he could and creating a pressure in his lower back, all in order to help place this book down at his side. In the end, he had done it successfully, making it for a time of celebration.

Gaara No Sabaku—the new kid in school, the kid that no one talked to, the kid that convinced everyone he was possessed on the first day of school when he came in the front doors sporting thick black eye liner and the most punk rock outfit that Konohagakure had ever seen—was of course, sitting alone in the library during lunch, not even bothering to eat lunch beforehand. He had made that mistake the first, getting such horrible stomach aches and throwing up the content of his stomach in the boy’s bathroom that same period.

He was currently reading one of many book he had the pleasure to explore in the library while listening to the best tunes on his iPod, one he had gotten many years ago and had the marks to prove it. The screen was shattered and glass poked out everywhere, and someone could cut their finger if not careful. The glass covering the camera was sticking out and was threatening to come loose, and below that it had a large water stain that refused to go away after Gaara’s run-in with the school’s bully Shinjiki. The case popped open often, and the red haired teenager was surprised that his headphones still plugged into his iPod audio jack.

But having it was so much worth it. Because based on every book he read, Gaara made a special mix of songs to taken in while he read the adventures of countless stories. They were, of course, the only thing that comforted the youngest of three siblings after a rough childhood. They were what made him…relatively okay, as he had never known what the feeling of happiness was. So for now, the books he always read made him okay. They brought light to a world full of such despair and a downpour of negative emotions. Sometimes he wondered why he was here in this world, if he were only to suffer. 

He flipped a fragile page of the library’s copy of a classic- John Steinback’s _Edge of Snake_. So far, he wasn’t particularly enjoying the book so far, as the scientific aspect of it was starting to become a blur as he felt sleep want to wash over and consume him, but otherwise the grammar, the word choice, and everything else made Gaara completely in love with this book. 

Even with all of his love for books, one out ranked them all, though he wouldn’t admit that he was addicted to this book. It was his first book after all, and he often read it as part of his comfort regimen. Ever since it came out, the Percy Jackson series was one of his favorites. He was still up to date of course, always keeping up with the newest install of the series and waiting anxiously for the release of House of Hades, which would finally give him the resolution to the horrible cliffhanger left in the previous book.

It was such a childish series in a way, but he may have only thought that because he was indeed a child whenever he first picked up the book and gave it a try. 

The song currently playing on his playlist changed immediately into Clocks by Coldplay, sending shivers down Gaara’s spine. It had always done this for him. He turned the volume up another notch as he continued to read on, already passing another milestone for himself in the book. 

He about finished the paragraph when he saw someone move near him with his peripheral vision. The bean bag next to him made a noise of protest and soon enough Gaara had his attention caught by the stranger who was brave enough to take a seat next to the lonely student. He was only going to glance, but the boy next to him smiled and gave a motion to take out his headphones. 

The kid in front of him had an appearance like no other, but seemed to fit him somehow. He had tan skin that matched his black hair perfectly, which was cut into a strange style shaped like a bowl. The poor kid’s eyebrows seemed to take up half of his forehead, and his eyes were more of a rounded shape rather than the almond shape of his own. He was wearing a green warm up jacket over a bright orange shirt that barely stuck out from underneath, and his pants were sweat pants that matched perfectly to his jacket. His shoes were orange converse, a shoe type that Gaara often wore with his skinny jeans and T-shirts, so he was quite familiar with the style.

Hesitantly but surely, he pulled out the headphones for his iPod, looking towards the kid was dismay, but that didn’t seem to disrupt that aura of constant optimism he was giving off. He had large, round orbs, staring in the direction of the redhead and looking as if he were about to say something, but unsure in his words.

“Ah…I just wanted to ask if it were to be alright if I sat here?” the boy spoke, a slight stutter in his speech. Gaara was a little surprise he was sitting near him, let alone talking to him. Everyone always did their best to avoid him. In his Japanese III class, all of the kids sat on the opposite side of the room. In all of his other classes, kids always groaned and protested when they were forced to sit next to him, or even just near him.

“…That’s fine. You don’t have to ask my permission.” He put in one ear bud and was about to put in the other, but he heard the other speak in a muffled tone. “Excuse me?”

“Oh, nothing really. I wanted to introduce myself,” he spoke again, giving off yet another smile, this one seeming brighter than the last. “My name is Rock Lee! I am a freshmen this year, and am currently hoping to become a martial arts master when I grow up!”

Gaara stared at him for a few seconds later, confused as to why this boy, Lee, was telling him so much about himself in what was supposed to be just giving him a name. He didn’t respond at all, just sitting blankly and staring  
“I’ve seen you around in the hallways before,” he seemed to blurt out, putting the book that was in his hands back into his lap. “You always seemed so lonely, so I decided you needed a friend…I wanted to take it upon myself to chat with you and try and make friends.”

Gaara’s striking teal eyes slightly widened, surprised by the reaction from Lee. He actually wanted to become friends with him, rather than most people’s reaction? He could even hear them swirl around in his head. The way people usually talk to him. Calling him a monster, which is what he actually was, rather than the way respectable people were. 

“Be my friend? Are you foolish?” he ended up saying aloud, almost regretting his words the second they fled from his mouth. With his luck, this would end up being some sort of prank that was being pulled on him once more. The one time he had found a friend inside this school, they had humiliated him in front of everyone and started the rumors and all of the other hurtful events going on at the school.

“Why? Why would I be foolish for trying to befriend you?” Lee asked, raising one thick eyebrow into a questioning glance. “Is there something wrong with that?”

He contemplated his answer over and over in his head, trying to give the seemingly stranger a light hearted answer to his question, one that didn’t make him seem overly harsh, though he had hoped there was some kind of aggressive tone behind his words. “Because I’m a monster. Hasn’t anyone warned you?” he had decided on, liking the way that the words were phrased. They reminded him much of classic book antagonists, the only roll in books he was able to relate to at all. After all, he had never done anything remarkable or heroic, and was far from having anything protagonist related to him at all.

“A monster?” His face fell into a surprised look and stuttered on his next words, as if trying to puzzle them together to say something encouraging or at the least optimistic. “I’ve never heard that before…but…I don’t believe you when you call yourself a monster. I’ve read enough books to know that you don’t look like a monster.”  
“It’s not necessarily what’s on the outside that counts. It could easily be the inside that creates a great antagonist, even those charming and enchanting, a great antagonist. Many of those with unacceptable looks have better hearts than most, but fiction has delved to create the image that only those who are unappealing are villains, or monsters, if you may,” he explained, sighing and closing his novel. He could part from it for a little while longer, as he figured he would not be getting out of this conversation as soon as he wanted. 

“You seem to really like books. You talk like you read them a lot,” Lee answered, eyes widened in interest. He looked almost like a lost puppy, Gaara had mused to himself as he watched the latter with amused eyes.

“They’re the only things keeping me on my feet around here. I’ve never had anybody to share my interests with.” He checked the time on his iPod, realizing he only had about a minute or two before the conversation had to end and make him feel less awkward than he was now. “It makes me feel better about my shitty life.”

“I can’t really read at my pleasure,” he spoke, hands flying up to mess with his jacket strings, something that was keeping him…focused yet so distracted. “It’s hard for me to stay concentrated sometimes. I usually can only read a chapter per hour, and then I have to put it down for a few moments in order to concentrate better.”

Gaara wasn’t sure why this was, but he just rolled with it, shrugging his shoulders at the other and starting to gather his mess of things. He gingerly picked up his English book, as well as his novel, and placed it into the mess he called his messenger bag. Gaara was never great with organization, and every piece of school equipment he owned proved that.

“But I really get focused when I start to do martial arts! Just being in my father’s dojo makes me so happy and at home. Being able to prove myself makes me more than happy. It makes…it makes me feel so alive!” he expressed, clenching his fists and rocketing upward, standing with his legs shoulder length apart and staring off into the distance. It reminded Gaara so much of a heroic pose, one that a…protagonist would do before he went off to battle.

This kid’s apparel and personality actually reminded him a whole lot of a protagonist. He seemed courageous and over excited, as well as passionate and from what he heard, hardworking and strong. The typical protagonist personality trait, completely opposite from his own.

“So you’re a martial artist…” Gaara said mindlessly aloud, staring up at his over emotional form. Lee turned swiftly and looked over at Gaara, his face full of emotion and it looked like…he had an idea.

“Yeah! I could even show you sometime! There’s a martial arts tournament I have to attend in about a week and all of my friends are going! We at least know each other, right? This could be a great bonding opportunity! Maybe my dad could take you if you didn’t have a ride. It’s free by invitation and I would love if you would come and see me!” he expressed, falling back down into his own bean bag chair and keeping his eyes locked with Gaara’s. “You’d come see me, right?”

“It would depend,” he answered, ducking his head as to throw his messenger bag strap over his shoulder. “It depends on how this week were to go. As for friends...” Gaara began to stay, but paused, unsure how to phrase his words once more. “…that’s an uncertainty. I have never made a close relationship in my life, and especially not one to call someone a friend.”

In turn, that was an lie that beautifully hid a dark past that made Gaara shutter and feel empty inside. He had friends. Back in Sunagakure. Back where he was accepted for who he was, not here were everyone found him…disgusting and strange. He preferred the place where he was accepted rather than feared.

“That’s okay!” Lee expressed, sounding as if he was fine with the fact that he would have no ability to become close friends. This confused Gaara and his lack of understanding when it came to human emotion, but he simply shrugged and gave the other a simple nod. The red head watched as Lee shot out of his seat, giving Gaara a simple smile.

“I should be going, but…I don’t believe I ever caught your name?” Lee said as he shot up like a rocket once more, grabbing his backpack and slinging it over his shoulder, turning his back to the other highschooler.

“If you really must know…its Gaara No Sabaku.” His teal eyes glanced at Lee’s back, giving him yet another strange stare before doing the same as the other teen and standing abruptly. He picked up the luke warm coffee he had his older sister bring him during fifth period right before lunch, following with his History book left forgotten on the floor that he did not want to read at all during his homework study periods.

“Gaara…No Sabaku? That’s a rather interesting name! It was really nice talking to you, Gaara-san!” Lee exclaimed. He looked as if he were to say more, but the bell had cut him off with his loud blaring, leaving the martial artist to give a small wave before launching himself off, almost speeding through the library with dangerous risks.

This would be several of Gaara’s strange encounters with Rock Lee.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments?  
> Questions?  
> Concerns?
> 
> Make sure to leave a comment or at least a kudos to tell me how you enjoyed it! Is there anything that needs to be fixed? Make sure to tell me that as well?
> 
> Next chapter should be up in a jiffy. Have fun. ;)


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gaara's Playlist for this Chapter:  
> Linkin Park - Numb  
> Green Day - Wake me Up When September Ends  
> Three Doors Down - Kryptonite  
> The Offspring - You're Gonna go Far Kid  
> Nickleback - This is How You Remind Me
> 
> \-----
> 
> Just more progression between the two protagonists! Doesn't really go anywhere. Won't really miss much if you skip. Eh...you may.  
> I swear this character development will kill me.

The next had not surprised him at all. He had decided to drop by and give the library back four of the books he had recently checked out less than two days ago. He never slept of course, which sped up the reading process and kept Gaara intact with his sanity.

“Returning another book, Gaara-san?” the librarian had asked him, giving a gentle and loving smile. She was one of the only ones who gave him any sort of respect around the school and made him feel comfortable in the library when he entered. At first she was a bit cautious with him as everyone was, but they struck up a conversation based on their favorite books one day after Gaara had returned the seventh book that week. 

“Yes, Chiyo-san,” he responded, not forgetting to add the necessary honorific at the end of her name. She was a short old lady with long strands of messy gray hair with wrinkles to add on to her appearance. There were also a few dark spots that had made their way onto her face after years of being alive. She also had a grandson, if Gaara’s memory struck him correctly, one who as a senior graduating in robotics. Also, he mentally added, he had a transgender boyfriend named Deidara. He’s in my Art III class.

“If I didn’t know any better, I would say you didn’t sleep at all. To read four books within the span of two days…you kids have too much free time lately.”

She wasn’t exactly wrong, however. Gaara didn’t sleep. And when he did, it wasn’t all that much. The average person got around 56 hours of sleep a week. Gaara got about 56 hours of sleep over the span of a month and a half. On the days he did sleep, he only slept about two hours. He had a raging case of what his sister had described as insomnia. 

“I need to return to fifth period, so I should be on my way, Chiyo-san,” he said in a monotone almost silence, giving her a wave, but not before adding, “I’ll probably return about the end of lunch. Kakashi Sensei is making me grade his papers as punishment for reading the class assigned book already.”

“Have a nice day, Gaara-san,” came Chiyo’s elderly voice as she returned the wave to him. Gaara grasped the headphone tangle than he had thrown over his shoulder and placing them back into his ears. The familiar song had played over in his head, sending shivers down his spine and bringing the faintest of hidden smiles to his lips. Melissa had always made him smile, as it reminded him of the days that he spent watching Full Metal Alchemist with Kankuro before…the incident.  
Gaara was too busy focusing on the floor to notice the contact he had made with someone before it was too late. He met face to face with none other than Rock Lee, the teen he had encountered nearly a week ago in the library during lunch. This caused Gaara to drop the remaining books-- and more importantly his iPod-- onto the cold tile floor.

Lee’s eyes widened into even smaller circles as he stared down at Gaara, who stood a few centimeters below him. He searched the red haired teen’s expression for some sort of reaction, only to see none. His face was monotone and unreadable, causing Lee’s body to freeze.

Sort of like those romance novels he had occasionally read. Where they would knock the books from each other’s hands and pick them up, igniting a spark. But Gaara felt no…spark. He felt a bit angry at the martial artist’s careless walking, but he knew deep down that he was also to blame. Only problem was…is that he never took the blame for his own actions. Not even back when he was a child.

“G-Gaara!” Lee exclaimed, immediately dropping to the floor and hurriedly picking up the red head’s books and collecting his iPod, staring at it fearfully. “Oh my god, did I…did I break this?” He pointed to the cracked screen, the missing glass, and a few other marks that Gaara had collected over the years.

“No, you didn’t,” Gaara said with such an unregistered expression that Lee almost thought he looked mad. Or at least trying to conceal it. “It’s been like that for years.”

“O-oh…” The black haired boy stuttered out, focusing his eyes on Gaara’s face before shaking his head and looking down at the books gathered in his hands. He turned his face back up to Gaara’s before handing him the collection of novels as well as the iPod, which was handled with ginger care. “I am sorry Gaara-san! As punishment I will run 20 laps around the school track afterschool! Better yet, I will run until I collapse as punishment for my a-“

“Its fine,” Gaara spoke, grabbing the books from Lee’s arms and checking at the damage. None, thankfully. He had already ruined one book this year out of anger and confusion. “Don’t end up killing yourself after a mistake that was my fault as much as it was for yours.”

“It was not your fault! I should have had my head up and watching instead of-“

“I said its fine,” Gaara said with more force, his teal eyes turning upwards to stare into Lee’s. “Don’t you listen? Just stop worrying about it.”  
“Y-yes, of course…ah…” Lee responded, looking down at his feet and shuffling nervously. Gaara hadn’t really noticed it, but Lee had a series of thick bandages covering his left arm, looking as if it restricted the movement of it and keeping him from functioning properly. He wanted to know why this boy had bandages all down his arm, but he didn’t want to pry onto something that clearly wasn’t his concern.

But apparently, Lee had caught him eyeing the arm.

“Oh, this? It’s simply nothing that I cannot handle!” Lee exclaimed, flexing the injury as if it were nothing. “I had over done it in Marital Arts yesterday! My father has told me to rest for my competition tomorrow and my injury should be fine.”

“That competition, huh…” Gaara murmured. He had faintly remembered Lee mentioning it during their last encounter.

“Yes! The national marital arts competition. I’ve been training all fifteen years of my life for this very moment! To become the Youth Champion! My father was the youngest Champion when he was sixteen and I wish to surpass him in strength and skill!” he explained simply before moving into a crouching stand. Gaara, from the books he had read, recognized it as the usual stance that most martial artists went into before they began to fight. As to exaggerate, Lee threw crosses into the air at a quick speed, followed by a spinning back kick, which was aimed at nothing, of course, all the time swaying gracefully on his feet.

“You’re really into this then, huh. It seems rather interesting,” Gaara said rather quietly, watching Lee’s form as he began to repeat his routine with greater speed.

“Of course! I do a lot of things with marital arts during the year, and sometimes for extra training I join the track team. Last year I did swimming instead, but that was in Middle School and they do not have that here.” As he talked, Gaara noticed the way he would exaggerate his words with his arms or with movements. When he mentioned track, he had raised his knees to his chest a few times as to show the movement of jogging, and when mentioning track he began to do a freestyle-like technique.

“Athletics. That’s your elective pass, I am guessing?” 

“Yes! I chose the Athletic route when I signed up for my classes. What about yourself, Gaara? What classes did you choose?”  
Gaara thought about the answer he was giving for a minute, before shaking his head and answering with a deep sigh. “I chose the Art route.”

“Art? Is that what you’re into? That’s amazing! What kind of art? Kakashi Sensei told me once that there are many forms of art, from literature to visual, and sometimes theatrical and musical art. What kind do you partake in?” He smiled at Gaara, and Gaara could read…sincerity. Like he really did want to know about Gaara and not treat him like the rest of the kids at the school. Like he actually meant something to Lee, even if they were not so close.

“I took up the Literature courses, but I am required to take Art III.” 

“Art III? Are you a junior?” Gaara thought for a moment, wondering how to phrase this. At his old Middle School, you started high school credits in your last year. He had already taken Japanese I and Art I at his old school back in Sunagakure, and he even took English I and Physical Sciences. He was already ahead of most sophomores, which was one leading factors to the way he was treated. Because everyone saw him as the genius child who thought lower of those around him. Which…was right. Most people made him feel like he was a lot more intelligent than them.

“I’m a sophomore. I simply took more classes than those around me.” Lee’s eyes widened in understanding, and then he broke into a smile.

“That is great! Education is important! Stay at the top of your game and you’ll go great places!” 

It was weird. Gaara turned to the wall to stare at the time, mentally cursing himself for wasting so much time in the hallway, for first period was about to start, but he shook his head and mentally told himself to relax. He could afford to be a minute late. It’s not like his teacher cared anyway. If anything, his Art teacher Konan couldn’t care less about when he showed up to class, as long as he was there twenty minutes before the end bell.

He wasn’t used to a conversation like this. He had never really talked with anybody before. But was this really a conversation? He was answering questions that could be very obvious to an observant person and not really asking anything in return about Lee. In his total honestly, he could really go without meeting Lee. After all, he wasn’t one for interactions. They made him uncomfortable and confused. This was only adding to that, of course.

Upon habit, Gaara looked back over at the clock and stared at the time once more. Lee must have noticed because he sighed aloud.

“Of course! I have been holding you up from class! I feel so bad, Gaara! You had somewhere to go and I kept you from returning to your destination. As punishment I shall-“

“-do nothing,” Gaara finished for him, ending his sentence with a sigh and shaking his head. “Punishing yourself through physical exercise isn’t the way to go.

“Yes. I will still run fifty laps! Or perhaps I’ll swim 600 m…Butterfly, of course! The hardest of all swim styles!” Lee, much to what Gaara had observed early, had exaggerated his movement by moving his arms over his head in a Butterfly style motion.

“If that’s what you really want,” Gaara murmured, shoving his books into his messenger bag and wrapping his thin white headphones around his already damaged iPod. “But…I really should be on my way. You know how the Math teacher is.” He gave Lee a simple wave before walking in the opposite direction towards the Math hallway, which was only accessible by going through the History hallway and up a set of stairs. Stairs that weren’t all that bad, once you got used to them…

But he felt Lee’s hand grab his wrist, stopping him from continuing on. Gaara would have punched him in the gut if it weren’t for the grip he hadn’t let go since he grabbed him less than a second ago.

“Oh, wait! I forgot to ask you, again, to remind you…” Gaara somehow knew what was coming, but he didn’t say anything on the matter. His last encounter with Lee was a week ago. He had actually told himself that Lee had forgotten. After all, who would want to hang out with the red headed teenager? “Do you still want to come to my tournament?”

“…I’m not entirely sure, yet,” Gaara spoke hesitantly, shuffling his bag over his shoulder and looking back at Lee. “I don’t know anything about it. I would prefer if…you gave me more information.”

“Okay, I will! What lunch do you have? Maybe we can meet up during that time and discuss it?” Lee asked, but his face lit up in realization as he realized that answer. “That’s right, we both have second. I remember from a week ago. Anyway, could you meet me in the library again today so I could tell you the details?”

“Can’t,” Gaara said immediately, remembering what he had told Lady Chiyo. “Kakashi Sensei is making me grade papers, so I can’t really do anything during lunch today.”

“Oh, Kakashi Sensei? Man, he really needs to loosen up a bit,” Lee said through a nervous grin, his hand reaching up to rub the back of his neck. Gaara gave him a somewhat shocked expression, only to have Lee wave his hands nervously in front of his face. “N-no! Not quite what I meant. It’s…a family thing, I guess.”

“You’re related?” Gaara was honestly shocked at this. Lee and Kakashi…well…they didn’t look like two people who had any family tie at all. Even if one of them was married in. It just didn’t click in Gaara’s mind.

“Almost. He’s my dad…or, more like he’s my dad’s boyfriend. I was adopted on my ninth birthday by Gai Sensei and later that year he started dating Kakashi Sensei. They’re planning on getting married soon, but I’m not sure when,” Lee explained before playing with both of his jacket sleeves. It was obvious he was yet again getting distracted easily. Though Gaara wasn’t entirely sure why. “But you don’t have to worry about getting the information. I thought of a way to relay it to you.”

“Thanks, I guess. Can I leave now?” He relayed the sentence over in his head, trying to think of a better way he could have phrased that rather than being so straight forward about it. But in the end, Lee didn’t seem to mind his somewhat rude tone.

“Of course! Goodbye, Gaara!” he said before turning the opposite way himself, turning a full circle before finally walking with a large amount of gusto in his walk. He seemed proud of himself to say the least, walking without a fear in the world. Gaara felt the faintest of smiles reach his lips before turning once more and heading back down the History hallway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments?  
> Questions?  
> Concerns?
> 
> Make sure to leave a comment or at least a kudos to tell me how you enjoyed it! Is there anything that needs to be fixed? Make sure to tell me that as well?
> 
> Next chapter should be up in a jiffy. Have fun. ;)


End file.
